Doing Too Much Too Soon

Ever encountered that guy that's doing too much too soon? You know the type! The one that you went on a date with and he decides to call, text, facebook, tweet and email you all within a 24 hour period. The worst part about this is imagine if you did enjoy the first date and you were looking forward to seeing him again, but the constant communication is just way too overwhelming, so you put him on your "DO NOT RESPOND" list.

In this day and age, we are filled with various ways to communicate with an individual. Just recently, there was this a surge of users on an instant messenger known as kik. (I did try kik for about a week and I quickly realized it just wasn't for me). Kik, like blackberry messenger (BBM) allows the user to see when your message was sent, delivered and read. This makes ignoring someone a little akward. Honestly, I could really give a rat's behind if you know that I read your message. If I do not respond, please don't send me another message. At this point, you're becoming a nuisance.

And that's the thing. If I don't respond via text, please do not send me a facebook message, email, tweet, etc. I'm not saying you need to wait for me to respond, but really I'm saying you need to wait on me to respond. Most of the time, I'm usually doing something when I receive the message so I am unable to carry on a convo. But I do my best to get back to you.

I know the post may come off as a bit harsh, but this is one of my biggest pet peeves. Although there are various ways to communicate with one person, that does not mean you should use all forms of communication to say hello. A simple text may do the the trick. Or just ask the individual what's their preferred method of communicating. Maybe there's a woman out there that enjoys that. I'm just not that one..

I've Learned (Part Deux)

"The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them."
-Maya Angelou

Another quote from the GREAT Maya Angelou. To tag on to the last post, I've learned to trust my first instinct. Why am I surprise when sh*t falls apart further down the line? The signs were there. Why did i choose to ignore it? It's the part of life we really have no concrete answer to.

You know this thing is bad, but yet and still you chose to go with it anyway. You know nothing was going to come out of it, yet you still tagged along for the ride (pun intended). I am definitely learning to be more selective in the people that I choose to bring into my life. I have not always made the right choices in the past when it came to men. And you know what, it's not always their fault. I take SOME of the blame. I close my eyes when the signs are there. I continue the "relationship" although, it really wasn't much of one. When will I learn? Oh wait, I am learning! :)

Jill Scott's Take on Interracial Dating

I will save my thoughts for another post, but here is an article that Jill Scott wrote in the April issue of Essence magazine:

My new friend is handsome, African-American, intelligent and seemingly wealthy. He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman. I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped. But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. I didn't immediately understand it. My face read happy for you. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress.

Was I jealous? Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? The answer is not simple. One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was reared in a Jehovah's Witness household. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded. We share our culture sometimes to our own peril and most of us love the very notion of love. My position is that for women of color, this very common "wince" has solely to do with the African story in America.

When our people were enslaved, "Massa" placed his Caucasian woman on a pedestal. She was spoiled, revered and angelic, while the Black slave woman was overworked, beaten, raped and farmed out like cattle to be mated. She was nothing and neither was our Black man. As slavery died for the greater good of America, and the movement for equality sputtered to life, the White woman was on the cover of every American magazine. She was the dazzling jewel on every movie screen, the glory of every commercial and television show. She was unequivocally the standard of beauty for this country, firmly unattainable to anyone not of her race. We daughters of the dust were seen as ugly, nappy mammies, good for day work and unwanted children, while our men were thought to be thieving, sex-hungry animals with limited brain capacity.

We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a Black man even looked at a White woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death. In the midst of this, Black women and Black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed. While we exert efforts to raise our sons and daughters to appreciate themselves and respect others, most of us end up doing this important work alone, with no fathers or like representatives, limited financial support (often court-enforced) and, on top of everything else, an empty bed. It's frustrating and it hurts!

Our minds do understand that people of all races find genuine love in many places. We dig that the world is full of amazing options. But underneath, there is a bite, no matter the ointment, that has yet to stop burning. Some may find these thoughts to be hurtful. That is not my intent. I'm just sayin'.

Thoughts? Do you agree? Disagree?

Article of the Day: His Idea of Girlfriend Material

If you’re used to hearing the line “I’m just not ready for a relationship,” then please, keep reading. One important thing to bear in mind: Guys decide early on whether they’re willing to forgo their freedom to become monogamous with you. To prove to him it’s a sacrifice that he’ll actually want to make, be sure that you...

Pick Up the Check
Relax, we’re not saying you have to pony up for every meal. But if you reach for the bill, he’ll know you’re a self-sufficient chick who’s not just looking for a free ride. “If a girl looks away or suddenly gets distracted when the check comes, I feel taken advantage of,” says Sammy,* 25. “When a woman insists on picking up the occasional tab though, it shows she’s interested in me as a person, not in what I can give her.”

Have Friday-Night Plans
Sure, you want to see him, and he appreciates that. But when you bombard him with a steady stream of e-mails and text messages asking if he wants to do something this weekend, it’s suffocating. What he needs to move forward with you is reassurance that you have your own life — one that doesn’t revolve around him. “My girlfriend was the first woman I’d ever dated who repeatedly told me ‘Already booked’ because she had all this other stuff going on,” says Amir, 29. “Soon, though, I realized that if I wanted to see her, I’d have to make plans in advance. That made me want her even more!”

Love His Guy Stuff
“My idea of long-term material is someone who will give me a high five when I’ve had a great day on the golf course or night at the poker table and who will laugh with me when I tell her about all the stupid stuff my friends did at our bar crawl,” says Carlo, 31. Yes, it’s asking a lot (we don’t expect you to embrace our strip-joint jaunts), but guys don’t want a girlfriend who’s going to bitch and moan about our manly activities or the company we keep.

Unleash Your Lust
When a guy looks ahead to his future with a girl, he wants to imagine crazy nights of wake-the-neighbors sex. So if you’re already an eager little bed devil to begin with, he knows he has a lot to look forward to in a relationship. “I dated this girl briefly who was great in every way, but when it came to sex, she was really inhibited. Instead of enjoying sex, it always seemed like she was doing me some kind of favor,” says Lucas, 29. “I knew it would just get worse as time went on, so I decided that I had to break it off.”

I'm not even sure what to title this blog, but I figure I'll leave it up to you to add your own title after reading.

I've been living in the DC metro area for almost 3 years. During this time, I've bumped into a number of fairly attractive single black men. If I were to go more in depth, I'm sure I would be able to write a book about my experience with dating in the district. I started this blog to update friends about my not-so-interesting life. After some recent disappointments, I decided to stay away from blogging. It was almost depressing. Girl meets guy - guy appears to be all that and a bag of chips! Then somewhere along the line, something goes wrong!

It's a story that I'm so use to. I'm at a point in life where I want to just give up...but when I start thinking about it... I'm only 24! I'm sure I'm going to have more disappointments dating. I honestly don't think I can go through with it. I just can't deal with the constant excuses, the constant lies! To be quite frank - I think it's absolutely ridiculous!

Some may say I can't always blame the men...but since I think I'm perfect (sarcasm!), I refuse to blame myself!

I'm more irritated than anything! Ugh!
I'll be back... I promise!

Sorry, but I have to cancel...

You know what I hate most about dating? People that cancel last minute! That sh*t irks the hell out of me. Please excuse my bad language here.

I do understand things happen that are beyond anyone’s control, however, there has to be a limit! I mean…come on! One thing I hate to do is cancel. It makes me look unreliable…and that’s something I am not! If I’m canceling, it has to be a good reason. If I didn’t want to see you in the first place, I would’ve never placed you in my schedule. So right there, you’re wasting my time! Time I could have scheduled to do something more constructive.

But here’s what I’m going to do from now on - if you cancel on me, just look at it as a strike out!

End of the story!

Where to Find a Nice Guy...

Today's Shmuleyism
"A good man, while not easy to find, is possible as long as you look in the right places, and the right places mean venues that foster purpose, compassion, hard work and spiritual commitment."

I love reading Rabbi Shmuley articles on Oprah.com.

Here's what he wrote about where you can find a nice guy. I'm so going to take note! :)

The Best Places to Find a Good Man

• Churches, synagogues or mosques: "There will you find men with a spiritual disposition," Rabbi Shmuley says.
• Bookstores: Here, you'll find men who are intelligent, he says.
• Charity events: Volunteer to work with charitable organizations and attend charity events to find men with heart, Rabbi Shmuley says. "[Charity events] usually draw men with a social conscience," he says.
• On dates set up by friends: Your friends will most likely be discerning in who they'll introduce you to, Rabbi Shmuley says.
• In the military: "The military usually draws really good guys," he says. "They're heroes—men with a sense of mission."
• At work: Rabbi Shmuley says he's not opposed to office romances. "In a serious office are usually serious, hardworking and respectful men who aren't peering down your shirt and they aren't getting bombed at a bar, and they're also right there in your backyard," he says.
• Libraries: These are quiet, contemplative settings that often attract intellectual guys, Rabbi Shmuley says.
• Concert halls: Find cultured men who love music at these venues, he says.
• Weddings: Weddings have a great romantic atmosphere, and commitment phobes usually stay away from them, Rabbi Shmuley says.
• Lectures and debates: Such events usually attract a higher quality guy.
• Coffeehouses and poetry recitals: Seek out the sensitive, nice guys who might frequent these places.